This is why I’m judging you.

We all judge. We have to. If we can’t judge then we can’t judge a situation as being dangerous, we have to judge a book by its cover sometimes or we might talk to someone who might do us harm.
 
What I don’t want to do, is let that get in the way of me practicing compassion and respect for someone. For me to let them do their thing, and be happy, and maybe make a friend in the process.
 
I try not to judge someone and put them in a box that they can’t get out of.
 
i try not to judge someone in a way that doesn’t allow them to show me who they truly are.
 
However, my core belief is that we should all be able to share this world with abundance in everything. I have been angry since the day I realized how much we fucked up this world, and I haven’t stopped being angry since, because to me, solitary joy and abundance is not real. If we can’t all be free, then my freedom isn’t real.
 
And I love humans. i LOVE Americans. So much more than I realized. And their pain has become my pain. And people that contribute to that pain, do get judged.
 
People that are selfish get judged.
People that are hypocritical get judged.
People that obsess over politicians and not people get judged.
People that lack compassion get judged.
White people that don’t acknowledge their racism get judged.
People that can’t open their minds to other forms of beliefs get judged.
 
Harshly. And that sometimes means you, friend.
 
That sometimes means my own family. That sometimes means finding myself alone in my head, feeling crazy and misunderstood.
 
That sometimes means being judged myself. By others. By myself. 
 
But everyone has got a moral compass, and that’s mine. The purpose of my life is to do everything to add to the goodness on this planet, and that’s how I’m doing that.

And due to me being a complicated person, I also need to know that people are going to be willing to either gently call me out when I need to be called out, or they’re going to act with humility when I call them out.

The only people that might get a pass at this type of behavior, are people who are family, and even then it’s just an adapted version of this truth.

But I’ve adapted and made myself small to fit into people’s boxes, that end up serving me not at all, and I’ve stayed quiet when people say hurtful things too many times.

There comes a moment when being disagreeable is a matter of survival, boundaries, and safety. If ya can’t handle that, then ya can’t handle me. 

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Sweeping Statements

Is it #ThankfulThursday? Cuz I got something I gotta be grateful for.

It’s 10:13am in San Miguel de Allende as I write this, and although it is cloudy and cold (for us San Miguelenses that don’t have to deal with the Artic winters of Minnesotta) the day is beautiful, because the intention of most San Miguelenses is to lead a beautiful life here, and so the sentiment resounds every time you tap into that gratitude.

So I was breathing in the smell of flowers from somewhere, enjoying the clouded cool sunshine (I sure do love sunshine) and  was being generally grateful for the fact that I was in that moment witnessing my apartment become more clean.

I was observing myself sweep and feeling gratitude.

I came on to write a blog post about being thankful for sweeping you guys.

From Disney's Cinderella
Me, about to scrub the eff out of these mental limits dancing circles around me

 

Because sometimes we assign meaning to things, and other times, things mean something  [to you]. Sweeping for me means the following:

  • It means I can physically, mentally, and emotionally afford to get up and sweep. Those of you that live with a chronic illness of any kind may understand what I’m talking about. Spoons and all that.
  • It means that my apartment at this very moment is getting cleaned, which I love. Because clean means things too, it means having energy and being less sick and having more space!
  • It means I have the impulse to follow being responsible with a home, that I could “care” for a space, that I am somehow accountable.

This might be a big jump for a lot of people, but I’m talking about coming from a background of being a bit ungrateful, entitled, and pretty much just like a bit of a spoiled brat when it comes to chores and other things. My home life gratefully allowed for me to live in a setting where I didn’t really “have” to do things, though I was still made to and I did it begrudgingly. When I have my own space, it’s always very different for me, however, as I like being able to keep a place organized. I think this is also metaphoric (or a projection/manifestation) of ways that we are also inwardly. We are self-righteous about certain ways of thinking and don’t empathize or try to see things differently because we believe we are “entitled” to our way of thinking. Fascinatingggg! The human. 

  • It also means that I am in my own space, that I am deciding how and what gets cleaned and when. Having my own space is so unbelievably sacred to me (honk if you agree).

The last one might be an assigned meaning.

Either way, those are all things I am so passionately grateful for, because they allow me things that are so important in my life. Each one is linked to the next one, making it for one simple web of accountability and gratitude.

And it moved me to bit, this realization. I let those in and accept them, because sometimes I overthink and so I try to use that power as a power to break down gratitude and positive emotions to then feel more of those.

And to me, that’s me doing my part in my own happiness.

How are you taking care of yourself?

Go kick the day’s butt.

#SeLoFest15

All my love,

Maelle

Somewhere between skepticism and trust

I’ve been so much at places now where because I am willing to believe in other ways of thinking. I have opened my mind to other processes, I have given benefit of doubt, I have open my mind to accepting and understanding other forms of seeing things, and what has been happening is that I find myself being able to understand every thing else so much more.

It’s like I was so wanting to make sure that I was always just a little bit skeptic in all of my own beliefs, that I would sometimes forget to look into the beliefs I was afraid of, and maybe believing a tiny thing in them.

Nothing that’s ever self-deprecating. But for example, somehow combining intuition and evidence. Heart and fact. Navigating within the information and knowledge out there, always understanding that this world and the human mind is so much more vast than anyone out there explains it to be, and therefore none of us could ever really be like “yes this is all and ultimate” but having the possibility to shape a different reality.

Like everyone tells you “you can do anything” and you know, you say “Well I can’t fly.”

I_Can_flY__Pp_by_azmeem
Azmeem DeviantArt

 

But then you fly a plane, or go sky diving, or bungee jumping, or parachuting, or hot-air ballooning, and so it might not be flying but it’s an entirely new mind-blowing experience that is still real and it’s up there. 

And I guess that’s the best way I can explain that thought.