Today I’ll be writing about a message I got in my e-mail!
I hear what you’re saying about taking negative people out from your life…I feel like that’s everyone in my life! How do I go about eliminating the toxic people that surround me if there’s the possibility that I’m going to be on my own?
There’s a few things that I’d like to acknowledge here. First of, being on your own and being OK with it is the best thing you can do for yourself. This took a really long time for me to grasp, so I don’t know that I can write a short response explaining to you how crucial and freeing it is to be on your own and OK with it.
Not to mention, being alone means there is room for growth, whereas negative people will keep bringing you down. There are so many things that are happening around you right now that you don’t even realize are simply projections of what you’re thinking inside. If you already think you’re garbage, and that there’s nothing but negativity around you, then the people you have closest to you that you love will continue to develop the negative aspects of you and it’ll just be a reason to pull further away from us. And I get that, there’s a certain comfort that comes with knowing you’re an unworthy person and at least having unworthy people around you that love you. There’s a certainty. Removing toxic people from your life and taking the risk of loving yourself means allowing yourself to believe that maybe you are someone formidable, someone worthy, only to be turned down by people who you think would reflect that.
It’s terrifying. I know. But that comfort is a lie. It’s keeping you unhappy and worse than killing you, it’s killing your light. Look at all the things you’ve accomplished in the darkness…Imagine what you could accomplish if you finally accepted your own light?
While you think about that, here are some ways you can eliminate people from your life:
- Stop calling them.
A lot of times we think that people are going to get offended and we’re going to have to explain to them what’s going on, and that in itself can be intimated. But simply try not reaching out to them, and when they call you playing busy. It’s avoidance and not my favorite way of doing things, but a lot of times it’s the most peaceful way to get a point across.
- Replace them with positive people or habits.
You got some toxic people and you don’t know how to get them to stop wanting to hang out? Start a positive habit. There were a few people I wanted to keep in my life despite them being slightly toxic because I still appreciated them as friends. Once I began to do more positive habits that fomented things like my creativity and health, I stopped wanting to do the things they did, and they never really came to the things that I invited them to. Eventually, we stopped hanging out because they were into more negative habits, and I didn’t have to any awkward conversations or forced falling outs. If you fill your time with new people and new positive habits, you will find that you don’t have time to invest in things that aren’t as healthy. Even if that positive habit is setting 3 hours aside just to do art, or sew, or write. Or going to the movies on your own and taking yourself out on the most fabulous of dates, or sitting with a friend for tea just because you haven’t really spent time with them.
- Tell them what you’ve been up to.
While I have no problem being confrontational when needed, I’ve never had to go this route. A friend of mine who was much more comfortable being confrontational in general told me that sometimes she would just explain to people that she was trying to detox her life from negative habits and people and that she would only be doing certain things and hanging out with certain people while you take a break from certain aspects of life. They’ll either get on the bandwagon, or won’t be super surprised that maybe you aren’t spending so much time together.
- Unfollow vs. unfriending.
Facebook has a feature where you can simply “unfollow” someone instead of unfriending them. When someone is just mostly annoying and only gets toxic when I hang around with them for long periods of time, I like to make free use of this button. Unfollowing someone allows you to control the amount of energy they take up in your day. This works really well if you, unlike me, feel like family is family even if they’re toxic, and don’t know how to “unfriend them”. Apply this to real life by choosing to disengage in things they’ll be doing that you don’t absolutely have to do.
Was there a bar that you used to go to all the time but now your ex-“friends” go there all the time? It doesn’t matter if it’s your favorite bar, in the long run your peace of mind will provide for a much more fulfilling life than one night of trying to deal with the adversity of the night. Go somewhere else, do something else. Be creative. Make the effort, just for you. Sometimes, avoiding a situation, event, place, or person(s) is what you need to establish a positive dynamic with them.
- Break up with them.
If your significant other isn’t part of YOUR healthy relationship WITH YOURSELF, that might be a yellow flag worth looking into. If you don’t feel good about yourself 9 out of 10 times, that’s another yellow flag. Being alone is only scary due to the beliefs we put around it. You may be limiting yourself, and dating someone toxic is only going to make your life progressively worse.
That’s it for today!
I’d LOVE to hear some other ways of getting rid of toxic people…comment below with your story!