I am always trying, if not also failing, to check where I am lying to myself, and how I may learn more.
The reason why I am like that, is because I try to find which thread of truth within me feels most natural, which one will follow me during my life, what my own moral codes are and how I can better navigate them to live a peaceful life.
I have learned to do that by being a fierce seeker of what is true for me, while trying to avidly respect others’ truths.
A difficult task. One that is not quick to be completed, and is more of a constant choice that I am making, when confronted with different people of different backgrounds and different truths.
When I find someone that shares the same or similar general truths that I also believe in, it is comforting and unifying.
When someone disrespects my own truth, or I find their truth hard to swallow, I feel separate from them and upset. But if I grasp on to my truth as the only one to be followed, as the only one that should be, that is even more frustrating. I would have to spend my life trying to convince of others of my own beliefs. For them to see things my way. While there are brilliant careers made up of people doing just that, to me, that is not conducive to peace, my utmost top priority in life, and therefore, not really of any true importance.
Even in my own passionate path of truth-seeking and applying, however, I still paint pretty pictures (or dreadful horrible pictures) for myself that are sometimes not true, even by my own standards. I victimize myself, or glorify myself, in an attempt to control the situation, make myself feel better, or repeating a psychological cycle. I do that, and so do most other people that surround me, everyone to a varying degree of what they’d like to see, and how much “truth” they’re willing to handle for themselves.
“There are no facts, only interpretations.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
But I digress. What is truth but simply what we choose to believe? And if people “lie” to themselves for whatever reason, I don’t know that it is my responsibility to force them to come to another truth simply because I want them to.
That said, sharing truths is unifying, and not having people to speak your truth with, share it with, is lonely. I think that if there is to be a purpose in life, it is to share my life with worthwhile people of all genders and ages. I do not need it to be nor want that to just be a lover, or a man, or some romantic partner because I feel like that diminishes who I am. However some people do want that, for them, and if I am being empathetic and compassionate, I understand what that feels like. If I didn’t know how to or did not have the opportunity to bond with friends and my sister, I don’t think I would be able to handle the feeling of not being able to ever speak my mind, express myself, share my truth and life with someone, and if I had only ever been taught to validate myself with a man, then that’s how that would come out.
If I were not able to apply that compassion, I would drive myself crazy wanting the world and other people to change. I have now seen all the emotional pain I can handle. I am scared to go back there, but aware that I can get out. I do not need other people to validate the work I do, because they do not understand. I do not need people to see how I am because I don’t want to limit my depth to their perspective.
However finding those that swim under currents of perspective and beyond the limits of their fear, the people that speak your truth back to you before you’ve even opened your mouth, that is what is most beautiful to me. That is the most magical thing on this planet. Finding your tribe. Those soulmates. Your Truth family.
I wish to release everyone of any karmic ties they feel to me. I release everyone from their responsibility to care for me or make me happy, as I don’t wish to be their victim when they don’t. I wish to be loved freely, as I wish to love freely. Cat-like, being together because we choose to and not out of fear of being alone, or the need for the other to validate us. That is to me, the most magic, and I compassionately permit myself to allow others the right to seek their own magic in whatever way they see fit without my judgement. May true magic friends and family come to me, and may others find what they seek. -Self affirmation for magic and freedom
This is my truth today, and will probably lead me on to tomorrow. May I always have the freedom and will to allow my mind to grow and expand so that my truth may as well, and my ability to love greater and be more at peace continue to increase.